Neoco
08-29-2010, 10:33 PM
This is what I imagine to be a career experience description at Weyland-Yutani:
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Are you seeking a career with an interesting, enjoyable experience? Do you wish for a relaxing, well paying job? Weyland-Yutani has just the opportunity you need!
We have many positions for those who would like to work for us. Weyland-Yutani promises decent pay, proper emergency procedures, health insurance and detailed training on the position you want to apply for. You won't need to worry about your safety, Weyland-Yutani puts that at the top of their priority list for you!
As a test subject, you will receive the most vital role in our industry. You will be interacting with our fine specimens daily. For applying for such an important position, we ensure that your payment will always have you satisfied. Everyday, you will be escorted by combat androids to the labs where you will get your head ripped off *cough cough*, I mean interact with our experiments. Meanwhile, the scientists will watch the specimen's behaviour as it feeds on your brains- I mean plays with you.
Scientists are responsible for recording important details and gathering information about our experiments. As one of them, you will be watching how the specimen behaves under certain conditions. We advise that you remain focused when working for if you are at the wrong place at the wrong time, Dr. Groves will lock you in the test chamber and leave the specimens to tear you to pieces. Your safety is our primary concern, we urge you not to fool around when on the job.
Our security force remains the tightest out of all research industries. As a security guard, you will be working with our combat androids to make sure that rules are followed and regulations are met. You will be controlling the elevators, the cameras, the security measures and the Weyland-Yutani network. It is also your duty to make sure that no specimen is anywhere but the test chambers. As security, we expect you to risk everything you have to prevent these experiments from escaping.
If the specimens do happen to break loose, we have lockdown procedures to ensure your safety. While the facility is under lockdown, we recommend not going near the test chambers; you will end up getting torn to shreds. We also urge you to stay out of the corridors as that is where our turrets will be set up. We want the turrets to be shredding loose specimens, not employees. If you are security during this time, it is your responsibility to make sure the facility is locked tight, if it is not, we will toss you into the test chamber with specimens and watch as they tear you from limb to limb.
Occasionally we may have a Predator break into our research facilities. They usually come to retrieve the artifacts we take from the ancient ruins around our area. If you are security, then we're afraid that you are screwed, for the Predators will rip off the heads of anyone armed within our facility. However, if you are a scientist or test subject, we strongly recommend that you do not touch a weapon while a Predator is loose or they will rip off your head as well.
Colonial Marines may also appear at the research facility. Our combat androids have instructions to terminate any trespassers trying to get inside our facility. Please do not stand up for the marines or our androids will be forced to shoot you as well.
We here, at Weyland-Yutani offer you an opportunity of success and achievement at our corporation. Please give our career opportunities some consideration. We hope to see you soon in our facilities wearing our uniforms. Our success creates your wealth!
____
That's the experience I see, working at Weyland-Yutani. Now I want to know: Do any of you want to work at Weyland-Yutani?
____
Are you seeking a career with an interesting, enjoyable experience? Do you wish for a relaxing, well paying job? Weyland-Yutani has just the opportunity you need!
We have many positions for those who would like to work for us. Weyland-Yutani promises decent pay, proper emergency procedures, health insurance and detailed training on the position you want to apply for. You won't need to worry about your safety, Weyland-Yutani puts that at the top of their priority list for you!
As a test subject, you will receive the most vital role in our industry. You will be interacting with our fine specimens daily. For applying for such an important position, we ensure that your payment will always have you satisfied. Everyday, you will be escorted by combat androids to the labs where you will get your head ripped off *cough cough*, I mean interact with our experiments. Meanwhile, the scientists will watch the specimen's behaviour as it feeds on your brains- I mean plays with you.
Scientists are responsible for recording important details and gathering information about our experiments. As one of them, you will be watching how the specimen behaves under certain conditions. We advise that you remain focused when working for if you are at the wrong place at the wrong time, Dr. Groves will lock you in the test chamber and leave the specimens to tear you to pieces. Your safety is our primary concern, we urge you not to fool around when on the job.
Our security force remains the tightest out of all research industries. As a security guard, you will be working with our combat androids to make sure that rules are followed and regulations are met. You will be controlling the elevators, the cameras, the security measures and the Weyland-Yutani network. It is also your duty to make sure that no specimen is anywhere but the test chambers. As security, we expect you to risk everything you have to prevent these experiments from escaping.
If the specimens do happen to break loose, we have lockdown procedures to ensure your safety. While the facility is under lockdown, we recommend not going near the test chambers; you will end up getting torn to shreds. We also urge you to stay out of the corridors as that is where our turrets will be set up. We want the turrets to be shredding loose specimens, not employees. If you are security during this time, it is your responsibility to make sure the facility is locked tight, if it is not, we will toss you into the test chamber with specimens and watch as they tear you from limb to limb.
Occasionally we may have a Predator break into our research facilities. They usually come to retrieve the artifacts we take from the ancient ruins around our area. If you are security, then we're afraid that you are screwed, for the Predators will rip off the heads of anyone armed within our facility. However, if you are a scientist or test subject, we strongly recommend that you do not touch a weapon while a Predator is loose or they will rip off your head as well.
Colonial Marines may also appear at the research facility. Our combat androids have instructions to terminate any trespassers trying to get inside our facility. Please do not stand up for the marines or our androids will be forced to shoot you as well.
We here, at Weyland-Yutani offer you an opportunity of success and achievement at our corporation. Please give our career opportunities some consideration. We hope to see you soon in our facilities wearing our uniforms. Our success creates your wealth!
____
That's the experience I see, working at Weyland-Yutani. Now I want to know: Do any of you want to work at Weyland-Yutani?