I woke up.

[Strong I]

I woke up.

I was surrounded by a few men, all of them wearing lab coats. One of them was holding a clipboard as well. None of them seemed very nice, but time was yet to tell.

"Hello there," one of them said, bending over to reach eye level. "What is your name?" I didn't know what my name was, but I figured I might as well take a guess.
"Wheatley," I responded. It seemed like a good name. The men took a few glances at eachother and the one with the clipboard wrote something down.
"Alright, Wheatley, we're going to ask you a few questions and then you'll be free to go, okay?" I wasn't too fond of the men, but if they were going to let me free then I figured I ought to do what they told me.
"Okay, right, go on then."
"What is the sum of two and two?" he asked. It was the first question and I was already stumped. I tried appliying all of my knowledge of mathematics, but I just didn't get it.
"Could you use it in a sentence?" I asked. The men laughed, and again, the one with the clipboard wrote something down.
"Nevermind. We're going to ask a different question now: what would be the easiest way to, say, hack into a computer network?" This was an easy one, which made me feel better.
"By guessing the password, right? I'm right, aren't I?" I was sure of it. But instead of telling me what I already knew, the man with the clipboard turned to his friends and showed them his notes.

"Yeah, I think we've done it," one of them said. He turned back to me again. "Okay, we're gonna let you go Wheatley, but one last thing. We've given you a few tools. A flashlight, a translator and the ability to convert pounds into grams. But if you EVER use them, you WILL die, you here me?" This worried me. I didn't want to die, I was happy living. But I didn't want to seem scared so I just casually nodded, trying to seem cool about it. The men seemed to ignore that though and began talking amongst themselves. Again.
"He's even stupider than we thought! A complete moron! There's no way this won't work on her". I didn't know who they were talking about, but I wasn't interested in that. I wasn't interested in anything they said because I didn't like them at all now. They called me a moron. I'm not a moron.

[TheAtmosphere]

And then I woke up.

(That's an awesome fan-fic btw. :))

[simonli2575]

I hate books, so much words on a page that makes me sleepy:rolleyes:

[Strong I]

I hate books, so much words on a page that makes me sleepy:rolleyes:

Actual critiscm that is actual would be preffered to ignorance, thanks. <3

And then I woke up.

(That's an awesome fan-fic btw. :))

Thanks bro.

[Tillytony]

Actual critiscm that is actual would be preffered to ignorance, thanks. <3
^^^THIS^^^

Plus i wish there was a site that people could upload these too.
Iv seen a few on the SPUF but it would be really good to have them all in one place.
+Rep

[Zekiran]

^^^THIS^^^

Plus i wish there was a site that people could upload these too.
Iv seen a few on the SPUF but it would be really good to have them all in one place.
+Rep

Fanfiction.net and Deviantart.

What we NEED is a sticky link thread for Valve fanfiction.

[Tillytony]

Fanfiction.net and Deviantart.

What we NEED is a sticky link thread for Valve fanfiction.

Thanks muchly :D

[chaoticpix93]

Dunno how dysfunctional fanfiction.net has gotten they used to be good. (like, back in 2000-2002 my brief stint on the site...)

Onto the fic.

Nice. It's an interesting contrast between how Wheatley views himself, and how we view him. With a sense of humor as well.

My only complaint is that it's not long enough. But that's only because I'd like a continuation of the story personally.

ROFL But it's good as a piece of flash fiction.

[chaoticpix93]

Fanfiction.net and Deviantart.

What we NEED is a sticky link thread for Valve fanfiction.

I know... I'd be writing more fanfiction than I do right now. Or an entire forum. (With a link in all the other forums?)

[Tillytony]

Dunno how dysfunctional fanfiction.net has gotten they used to be good. (like, back in 2000-2002 my brief stint on the site...)

Onto the fic.

Nice. It's an interesting contrast between how Wheatley views himself, and how we view him. With a sense of humor as well.

My only complaint is that it's not long enough. But that's only because I'd like a continuation of the story personally.

ROFL But it's good as a piece of flash fiction.

I agree. I also would like more :D. There was a really good massive fanfic on here a while back that got updated alot but it got buried and forgot about.

[Chlowo]

It's pretty good! I liked it. Do you want crit, or no?


Dunno how dysfunctional fanfiction.net has gotten they used to be good. (like, back in 2000-2002 my brief stint on the site...)


The Portal archives are actually pretty decent.

[Strong I]

It's pretty good! I liked it. Do you want crit, or no?

Assuming you mean critiscm, then yes please, constructive critiscm is not only welcomed, but it's allowed.

[mobilpcguru]

This is really good!

[Chlowo]

Yup, that's what I meant. Some people don't like it, so I thought I'd ask first. All right. Here you go. It's mostly grammatical stuff, because I really did like the story itself. I don't think it needs to be longer or anything:

"none of them seemed very nice" - IDK about this bit. He's Wheatley. He's nice and he's naive. I'm not sure that's what he'd be thinking right off the bat; you may want to build up to it a little.

"eachother" - each other

"aught" - ought

"Okay, right go on." - Ahhhh, something's wrong with this but I'm not exactly sure what. "Okay! Right, go on then." Maybe? I dunno.

"I tried applied" - I applied OR I tried to apply OR I tried applying (This is probably my favourite bit, though. Poor Wheatley. He's just so dumb. xD)

"Nevermind" - Never mind

"I'm right aren't I?" - I'm right, aren't I?

'"Yeah, I think we've done it" one of them said.' - "Yeah, I think we've done it!" one of them said. Alternatively, you could use a comma instead of an exclamation point.

"one last thing. We've given you a few things." - You should replace one of those 'thing's. It's repetitive.

"a translator and" - I think you should use a comma here, but that's just personal preference as to what sounds best.

"you here me?" - you hear me?

"I didn't want to seem scared though so" - But I didn't want to seem scared, either, so OR I didn't want to seem scared, though, so AND if you use the second one, you're going to want to replace the 'though' in the following line.

"The men seemed to ignore that though" - This though. Which should be "The men seemed to ignore that, though,"

'this won't work on her".' - this won't work on her."

Also, I think the forum killed your indents so you may want to use block formatting instead.^^

And I guess I lied, because I think the ending could use a bit of expanding on, but otherwise it's a really good story. I feel bad for Wheatley. Aperture seems to have an issue treating sentient things like sentient things and I think you captured that well. I hope this was helpful and I hope you write more things soon~!

[zucky1011]

Great job man! I really enjoyed reading this.:)

[Strong I]

Yup, that's what I meant. Some people don't like it, so I thought I'd ask first. All right. Here you go. It's mostly grammatical stuff, because I really did like the story itself. I don't think it needs to be longer or anything:

"none of them seemed very nice" - IDK about this bit. He's Wheatley. He's nice and he's naive. I'm not sure that's what he'd be thinking right off the bat; you may want to build up to it a little.

"eachother" - each other

"aught" - ought

"Okay, right go on." - Ahhhh, something's wrong with this but I'm not exactly sure what. "Okay! Right, go on then." Maybe? I dunno.

"I tried applied" - I applied OR I tried to apply OR I tried applying (This is probably my favourite bit, though. Poor Wheatley. He's just so dumb. xD)

"Nevermind" - Never mind

"I'm right aren't I?" - I'm right, aren't I?

'"Yeah, I think we've done it" one of them said.' - "Yeah, I think we've done it!" one of them said. Alternatively, you could use a comma instead of an exclamation point.

"one last thing. We've given you a few things." - You should replace one of those 'thing's. It's repetitive.

"a translator and" - I think you should use a comma here, but that's just personal preference as to what sounds best.

"you here me?" - you hear me?

"I didn't want to seem scared though so" - But I didn't want to seem scared, either, so OR I didn't want to seem scared, though, so AND if you use the second one, you're going to want to replace the 'though' in the following line.

"The men seemed to ignore that though" - This though. Which should be "The men seemed to ignore that, though,"

'this won't work on her".' - this won't work on her."

Also, I think the forum killed your indents so you may want to use block formatting instead.^^

And I guess I lied, because I think the ending could use a bit of expanding on, but otherwise it's a really good story. I feel bad for Wheatley. Aperture seems to have an issue treating sentient things like sentient things and I think you captured that well. I hope this was helpful and I hope you write more things soon~!

Holy ♥♥♥♥, did I really write "I tried applied"? I think i might be stupider than Wheatley.

[Chlowo]

xD Nothing a bit of proofreading can't fix lol.^^

[mobilpcguru]

Holy ♥♥♥♥, did I really write "I tried applied"? I think i might be stupider than Wheatley.

Yes you are "Stupider"

[Army_Ninja]

Best frickin' Wheatley fanfic I've ever read due to the sheer amount of spot-on characterization and lack of non-canon things that are wrong beyond reason. It's not the best fanfic ever, but most certainly the best Wheatley fic yet.
I need more of this. Badly. Also, I love you, take all of my rep.

[Griffonzo]

I woke up.

Then, I went downtown...to look for a job.

Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.

cheech and chong

[Strong I]

Thank you for the kind words everyone, I really appreciate it.

[GLaDOSv3.11]

Pretty good! Loved the ending- that one was a good one.

Some suggestions-

Wheatley doesn't sound quite silly enough- I think you could have added a few wandering thoughts or hilarious misconceptions(this could make it longer too) and it could add a lot of realism to the character

It could be interesting to actually write it the way it would sound in Wheatley's way of speaking, almost like regionalizing it(like Flannery O'Conner does, only with Wheatley)

[GLaDOSv3.11]

Once again,thisis a really good fanfic!

I read through a second time, and I noticed one other thing- occasionally, you have Wheatley saying some things that sound just a bit too smart-
"I didn't like them much, but time was yet to tell."
Sounds too sophisticated with the properly done irregular sentence structure.
Random idea- It could be funny to do one of his backwards famous phrase things, like, "I didn't like them much, but as they say- 'You can't judge a cover by it's book!' "