Go Back   Steam Users' Forums > Steam Game Discussions > T - Z > Team Fortress 2 > Community Content / Contribution Project > Art / Videos

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-11-2015, 10:18 PM   #1
Jay Dorris
 
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Reputation: 2526
Posts: 5,033
A Sufficiently Advanced Q&A Session (WSM3)

This is an entry for the Comedy category.


“Computer, calculate the weather in the Badlands for the next thirty days and compile the results into a chart.”

Gray Mann sighed as he spoke a verbal command into the microphone. The instant he finished, the monitor before him lit up with numbers and characters at a rate far faster than a human being’s eyes could absorb.

In all honesty, Gray Mann was bored.

The machine before him completely filled the space of an entire room, connecting with a small interface and monitor in the one adjacent to it.

As the text on the screen began to increase yet further still in speed, Gray gazed at the massive computer through the panel of bulletproof glass in the wall.

Essentially, it was a supercomputer.

The technology was still experimental, but Gray had bought up the only one of its kind with his vast wealth and resources.

Even running it for a day, however, required obscene amounts of money. For every hour the machine was active, a small fortune had to be spent.

This was not because the machine required vast amounts of electrical power to run. It was actually because, for reasons beyond mortal comprehension, the supercomputer was literally powered by burning money as fuel as an old train would burn coal.

Gray briefly considered spending the money he used to power the machine to replace its energy source with something reasonable, but quickly dismissed the idea. The supercomputer gave the man enough headaches already, more than he felt he deserved in his artificially extended life.

A dinging sound rang out as the machine finished and printed out its results on a sheet of paper, as if it were a common toaster.

Gray had no desire to verify the validity of the results.

If they were anything like the last several dozen times he had requested the machine to do something, they would be perfectly accurate.

There was but one problem.

He had grown tired of the machine.

A supercomputer, one would initially think, sounded like a wonderful possession to have. It was unbelievably advanced, and it was likely that even the combined might of all electronic devices in the North American continent could come close to matching the machine.

The issue was that it was actually too advanced.

In the end, the supercomputer’s ability to calculate and output results for any question it was asked or command it was given made it damn near indistinguishable from an online search engine or a magic eight-ball.

The sheer simplicity of the process destroyed all novelty involved with the idea of supercomputers.

Gray had, at one point, even asked it to mathematically solve the game of Chess and calculate the optimal list of moves to guarantee either a win or draw, and the machine had received its answers by the time he had returned from lunch.

“Computer, will I ever find love?”

There was an immediate dinging sound.

Gray read the paper out loud.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t eaten your Eagle mother.”

Fantastic, Gray thought. So the supercomputer had a sense of humor.

“Computer, what is the meaning of life?”

There was a slightly longer pause this time. As before, Gray looked at the results printed on the sheet of paper and read them out loud.

“Stop asking silly questions.”
Jay Dorris is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2017, 06:10 PM   #2
Gyokuyoutama
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Reputation: 4316
Posts: 6,036
Now that I'm actually reading light novels and visual novels I can say that this reads amazingly like something originally written in Japanese and then translated into English.

Also Reinhard von Lohengramm did nothing wrong.
Gyokuyoutama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2017, 04:23 PM   #3
A 1970 Corvette
 
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Reputation: 5954
Posts: 13,041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyokuyoutama View Post
Now that I'm actually reading light novels and visual novels I can say that this reads amazingly like something originally written in Japanese and then translated into English.
Well considering the author, it's no surprise
A 1970 Corvette is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Steam Users' Forums > Steam Game Discussions > T - Z > Team Fortress 2 > Community Content / Contribution Project > Art / Videos


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Site Content Copyright Valve Corporation 1998-2015, All Rights Reserved.